Massive Congratulations sir for the 137th year running you are officially the UK’s Muppet of the Year Award winner, so Ashley how does it feel to retain your title?

“Don’t really know. Was feeling nervous might not win this year cause let’s face it Nick Clegg has run a strong campaign, particularly in the second half. But I hung in there, the lads all worked really hard, and I thought I’d accidently shoot an intern to make sure the title was mine*.”

Ladies and Gentlemen Ashley Cole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quite possibly be the biggest plonker to walk the planet since Del Boy himself brought the p-word to prominence in the mid 1980s.

I mean seriously how do you ‘accidently’ shoot some one?!

How do you ‘accidently’ find yourself with a weapon in your hand? How do you ‘accidently’ aim it at some one? How do you ‘accidently’ fire the thing???!!!

And all at work, at work! The equiv for you or me would be standing up amongst the open plan office massives, picking up the gun we’d brought into work for ‘a laugh’, aiming it at the work experience cutie as she did the photocopying and quite literally popping a cap in her ass. All accidently!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man would have been so much funnier if the Intern had shot him.

Mind you has given some ideas on how to handle mouthy interns, never thought I’d say this, thanks Ashley Cole.



* I know what you’re thinking, this response is far too coherent to be from AC. It’s possible we may have made this up.